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For a city its size, Miami really has a lot of Strip Clubs. I mean so many that you will often be going to visit your boss in some upscale section of town and directions will include “Turn right at the purple neon sign.” In some cities this may be an indicator of a less-than-desirable neighborhood. Or somewhere you can go and drink cheap beer while looking at cheap women? Or are you looking for a little more for your strip club dollar?
But in Miami we have always been on the cutting edge of dropping pretenses of morality, so a friendly neighborhood nudie bar is nothing to get squeamish about. Well, at great sacrifice and personal hardship, we have taken the liberty of visiting some of the better-known and popular clubs around town to help you, the buck-tucker, know which club will best fulfill your nudie bar needs.
And while in years past the club has been adorned with worn carpets and furniture, the new, refurbished Gold Rush feels clean and comfortable.
Also gone are the endless parade of ghetto dancers, replaced by a friendlier, somewhat cleaner brand of dancer. But at least the tattoos aren’t covering their ENTIRE backs.
Except instead of friendly oversized animal puppets when you get inside, the have friendly, oversized D-Cups to greet you. Upon walking inside you will notice the vast array of flat screen and projection TV’s, so that if naked women cavorting around is not your thing you can distract yourself with fully clothed men playing sports.
There is one main stage in the middle which features anywhere from one to three dancers, one of them circulating the tip rail for a song or two, completely naked, allowing everyone at the rail to tuck a buck in their favorite spot.
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The selection on women is spectacular and the food is not bad.
But with the more attractive dancers also come stricter rules.